I’ll love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
As long as I’m living
My mommy you’ll be.
Robert Munsch – From Love You Forever, 1986
To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part.
– Traditional wedding vows
When I was very little, I had two heroes. One was Peter from Peter and the Wolf. He was brave and caring and I wanted to be just like him. The other was Wonder Woman because… well, she’s awesome. I wanted to be just like her, too. She, like Peter, was brave and wanted to help people. Spoiler alert – neither of them are real. There are a group of people among us, though, who are even more courageous and self-sacrificing than Peter and Wonder Woman, and they are totally real. Their whole lives center around helping someone other than themselves.
They are caregivers and they are amazing. I know several personally and am constantly astounded by their willingness to give everything for the person they care for. It could be a parent or child, a sibling or spouse, or even a close friend. They mean the world to the people they care for.
These generous people don’t always feel generous. Quite frankly, the job is difficult, demanding, draining and often takes a major physical and financial toll on the caregiver. The caregivers I know share several traits and burdens. They are prone to depression and health problems that are frequently preventable. They often sacrifice their own health for the well-being of their charge and feel that it’s their duty to do so. They are driven to be everything all the time for others and will feel guilty when they can’t do more. They see how difficult things are for others and are hesitant to ask for help. The life of a caregiver can be isolated and lonely. They suffer greatly at the pain of the ones they love and would take it upon themselves if it were possible. So why do they do it?
I can answer that question with one word… LOVE. That’s it. That’s why they do it. They cherish the parents who taught them what love is. They honor them as best they can. They treasure the spouse that they promised to love through all until death. These caregivers are living the selfless life that love requires. Whoever it is they care for, for however long they need to, they show the rest of us the goodness that is still in humanity. It’s not “I’ll love you until it’s not convenient” or “until boredom do we part.” Caregivers give everything for love, every moment of every day and they take their role seriously.
They are not perfect. Sometimes tempers run short. Frustration is the name of the game. They need to vent. They need support. Even small acts of kindness can mean so much. Those of us who stand by the sidelines sometimes feel helpless, but we can help. We can be the shoulder to cry on. We can volunteer to give the caregiver a break or offer to lend a hand with tasks that the rest of us take for granted, like grocery shopping or cleaning. My husband says “many hands make light work.” Each of us can help lighten the load and in doing so, spread the love.
The life of a caregiver is not easy. Depending on the condition of their loved one, they might have to endure physical or mental abuse. They might wait for months for just a few moments when their loved one recognizes their face. Through the tears, they still put one foot in front of the other and carry on. Like nurses, they’ve probably seen it all.
To you, Caregiver… You are my hero. I know it’s hard and there are times you might want to give up. There are days that your confidence is shaken and your heart breaks. There are those of us who want to help you. Please ask. Let your needs be known. You do what you do for love; let us do the same. You are amazing – whatever you do, remember that. You show the world what it really means to love unconditionally. That’s nothing short of a miracle.